To: My enthusiasm to write
You’ve been gone for a while. At first I though you may have taken a vacation, but now I’m worried you won’t ever be back. Please return. I miss you.
To: The neighbors who purchased “Rock Band” for the kids.
Re: Hilarity and sleepless nights
After hearing horrific versions of a few common songs*, I understand why you made the kids play this game outside. Not only is the noise keeping me awake, but so is the uncontrollable laughter brought on by your kids’ lack of talent.
While part of me wants the kids to never sing again, another part wants this occur every night so I can invite some friends over, roast marshmallows, and laugh.
*It took us well into the third minute of each song to determine what song it was. And before that, it took two songs to discern between a) animal in pain, b) retarded moose in heat, or c) human chanting/moaning/screaming in a vain attempt at singing.
You’ve been closed way too long. Please open soon.
To: The Universe
WTF? I’m just sayin’